hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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