I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
