Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
