I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
