Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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