what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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