Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's just like the Real World with babies
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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