y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
this just has baby written all over it
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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