I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
