Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
