I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
