either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
