I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
