Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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