The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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