Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
