New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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