All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
