so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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