8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
