it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
