May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
