I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
