her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
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We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
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I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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