On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
