Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
