You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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