How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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