I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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