she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
