well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
