Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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