I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We left an ass print on the piano.
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I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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