My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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