The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
