I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
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Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
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And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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