Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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