mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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