Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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