it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
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Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
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Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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