He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
