TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
