I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
