Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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