dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
