I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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