At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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