im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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