marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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