have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
