Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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