How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
