I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
