By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
