The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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