I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
