with your own penis?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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