If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
