He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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