Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
