i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
