the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
