I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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