I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
