I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
