Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
