think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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