I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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