I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
