I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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