Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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