I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
