Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
