Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
People with herpes should wear stickers.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
