Little spoons don't ask big questions
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
A+ Viking dick
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