capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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