im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
