you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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